Finding Love, Blind Date, Domestic Violence and Age gap

A friend once said to me, “the right man would come when you least expect him to show up!”

I had just returned from work this evening when my mum informed me that she had seen a family friend of ours who asked her to have me call her as soon as possible because she knew a guy who was ready to settle down and she felt I was a right choice for him. “Of course“, I rolled my eyes. “Please, you people have started again! I’m not even that old. Just 26 and everybody has made it his/her life goal to find me a husband.

I called this family friend of ours out of respect and she began telling me about this guy she wanted me to talk to. He was based outside Nigeria, had two children with a white woman but they were no longer together and he wanted to be with someone from his tribe this time around. She told me he was handsome, tall and had good investments here in Nigeria. Hmmm!!! I should be over the moon right? But, I always have this nagging feeling at the back of my mind whenever I hear that family members are helping a man find a wife. Most times, I think he must be an incomplete man. Something just has to be wrong with him which would make him seem reproachful to the opposite sex.

Our family friend asked that I send my pictures to her on WhatsApp as soon as possible. To be honest, I was curious. I wanted to know if he was as fine as he’d been described. So, the next day, I sent her my pictures and within hours an international number told me “hi” on WhatsApp. Okay, that must be my blind match!

The conversations were awkward at first and he didn’t look so fine in his profile picture. I was expecting to see a young guy but I saw someone who looked like he was middle-aged and I cursed our family friend in my mind. I’m a baby girl na! Which one is this old man they’re helping me with? Agreed that I haven’t been so lucky in love but make una dey pity person na. What is all this? Already I was giving my blind date half-hearted answers and then I asked of his age after he’d asked me mine and he said he was in his early forties. Early forties? My Mum is only 47. I later found out he was about 45. This our family friend no just try at all.

He sounded okay via call but I don’t know this person so I was the least interested. After few days of voice call and “how are you”, he asked that he sees me on a video call and it was at this point that I realized that I have a thing for fine men. Lol. The dude was fine. It turned out that his few pictures were not doing him any justice. I like fair men too and his yellow pawpaw colour just entered my eyes. Okayyy!! This looks good. At this point, I became more responsive and we’d talk for a long time in the coming days.
I’m averse to the “talking to stage” because I can’t afford to waste my time and effort getting to know somebody and nothing comes out of it in the long run but, this felt different because there was a huge possibility that it could lead to marriage.

My perception to being with an older man with two kids began to
change even with the disapproval of my Mum who felt the age gap was too
much. My excuse was, all these young men out there have taken me to hell and back and I was willing to stay with this older man if he’d treat me right and love me well. I had no issue taking care of his kids because I’m a good person who loves kids so I was sure of not being a bad step-mother. He just told me he liked me and I was already projecting!

I asked about his previous relationships and he asked about mine. I did voice my opinion about how I felt he was interviewing me when he did ask me questions and he apologized and told me I could tell him if his questions were making me uncomfortable but of course, I felt it was still part of the ‘getting to know’ process since he was looking to settle down.

At a point, he told me he was a very traditional man and I laughed it off because, I felt he loved the Igbo culture, food and music. I even admired this quality of his. It just happened that I shared with him a story about a young woman who was nine months pregnant, whose husband had beaten her till she lost consciousness and the baby had to be cut out from her. His next response threw me off. He asked “What did she do?” Then he went ahead to talk about how wives add to their husband’s frustrations.

This seemed like his true identity was really out that fateful evening. I was really upset because of the young woman’s misfortune but, to have someone I was actively talking to not show empathy to that was mind blowing. It didn’t end there, he went about telling me that since his divorce, he was careful to not make the mistake of marrying a wrong woman again. Apparently, my stance on women empowerment and the choice for women to leave a partner who constantly abuses them had put him off. In his opinion, a woman is supposed to stay and pray for her husband while also trying out things that could please her husband to have a change of heart. He kept reiterating the fact that he wasn’t a violent man but, I didn’t need no seer to tell me something was bound to happen if I ventured that path with him. If he had that mentality, of course he’ll hit his wife someday, especially if she is a black woman.

Well, I think we had this silent agreement to not speak to each other again
because after the promise of calling me later that night, we haven’t spoken to each other again. It hurts a little because I’ve been speaking with this guy nonstop for close to a month now and we’re back to being strangers but it’s all good.

I’m back to the streets where the young guys with my kind of mentality exist.

Submission by: Uche

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