Finding Love, Blind Date, Domestic Violence and Age gap

A friend once said to me, “the right man would come when you least expect him to show up!”

I had just returned from work this evening when my mum informed me that she had seen a family friend of ours who asked her to have me call her as soon as possible because she knew a guy who was ready to settle down and she felt I was a right choice for him. “Of course“, I rolled my eyes. “Please, you people have started again! I’m not even that old. Just 26 and everybody has made it his/her life goal to find me a husband.

I called this family friend of ours out of respect and she began telling me about this guy she wanted me to talk to. He was based outside Nigeria, had two children with a white woman but they were no longer together and he wanted to be with someone from his tribe this time around. She told me he was handsome, tall and had good investments here in Nigeria. Hmmm!!! I should be over the moon right? But, I always have this nagging feeling at the back of my mind whenever I hear that family members are helping a man find a wife. Most times, I think he must be an incomplete man. Something just has to be wrong with him which would make him seem reproachful to the opposite sex.

Our family friend asked that I send my pictures to her on WhatsApp as soon as possible. To be honest, I was curious. I wanted to know if he was as fine as he’d been described. So, the next day, I sent her my pictures and within hours an international number told me “hi” on WhatsApp. Okay, that must be my blind match!

The conversations were awkward at first and he didn’t look so fine in his profile picture. I was expecting to see a young guy but I saw someone who looked like he was middle-aged and I cursed our family friend in my mind. I’m a baby girl na! Which one is this old man they’re helping me with? Agreed that I haven’t been so lucky in love but make una dey pity person na. What is all this? Already I was giving my blind date half-hearted answers and then I asked of his age after he’d asked me mine and he said he was in his early forties. Early forties? My Mum is only 47. I later found out he was about 45. This our family friend no just try at all.

He sounded okay via call but I don’t know this person so I was the least interested. After few days of voice call and “how are you”, he asked that he sees me on a video call and it was at this point that I realized that I have a thing for fine men. Lol. The dude was fine. It turned out that his few pictures were not doing him any justice. I like fair men too and his yellow pawpaw colour just entered my eyes. Okayyy!! This looks good. At this point, I became more responsive and we’d talk for a long time in the coming days.
I’m averse to the “talking to stage” because I can’t afford to waste my time and effort getting to know somebody and nothing comes out of it in the long run but, this felt different because there was a huge possibility that it could lead to marriage.

My perception to being with an older man with two kids began to
change even with the disapproval of my Mum who felt the age gap was too
much. My excuse was, all these young men out there have taken me to hell and back and I was willing to stay with this older man if he’d treat me right and love me well. I had no issue taking care of his kids because I’m a good person who loves kids so I was sure of not being a bad step-mother. He just told me he liked me and I was already projecting!

I asked about his previous relationships and he asked about mine. I did voice my opinion about how I felt he was interviewing me when he did ask me questions and he apologized and told me I could tell him if his questions were making me uncomfortable but of course, I felt it was still part of the ‘getting to know’ process since he was looking to settle down.

At a point, he told me he was a very traditional man and I laughed it off because, I felt he loved the Igbo culture, food and music. I even admired this quality of his. It just happened that I shared with him a story about a young woman who was nine months pregnant, whose husband had beaten her till she lost consciousness and the baby had to be cut out from her. His next response threw me off. He asked “What did she do?” Then he went ahead to talk about how wives add to their husband’s frustrations.

This seemed like his true identity was really out that fateful evening. I was really upset because of the young woman’s misfortune but, to have someone I was actively talking to not show empathy to that was mind blowing. It didn’t end there, he went about telling me that since his divorce, he was careful to not make the mistake of marrying a wrong woman again. Apparently, my stance on women empowerment and the choice for women to leave a partner who constantly abuses them had put him off. In his opinion, a woman is supposed to stay and pray for her husband while also trying out things that could please her husband to have a change of heart. He kept reiterating the fact that he wasn’t a violent man but, I didn’t need no seer to tell me something was bound to happen if I ventured that path with him. If he had that mentality, of course he’ll hit his wife someday, especially if she is a black woman.

Well, I think we had this silent agreement to not speak to each other again
because after the promise of calling me later that night, we haven’t spoken to each other again. It hurts a little because I’ve been speaking with this guy nonstop for close to a month now and we’re back to being strangers but it’s all good.

I’m back to the streets where the young guys with my kind of mentality exist.

Submission by: Uche

Commitment, Cheating and Separation: A Begging Question

I read this story recently. It was about a young individual who had a good relationship with their dad. This individual trusted their father so much, banked on him like a model and felt betrayed when they realized their father and mother would be divorcing because dad had been seeing a younger woman.

This story spurred a long-existing curiosity that I’ve had about monogamy, cheating and Divorce.

I’ve read the Bible to some extent to know that we were neither created to be polygamous nor monogamous. The characters of the book had different marital choices. Abraham, the most faithful, connived with Sarah to make a baby with Hagar. Jacob chose to marry Leah and Rachel because he did not get his desired wife the first time. That story is hilarious but has some really nice elements of true love. But, I get it. People make their decisions based on options and/or circumstances. However, the rate of separation from cheating in our generation is increasing rising and it makes me wonder if it is okay for cheating to really be a deal-breaker for people who want to stay married.

I mean, I’m not saying I would like for my partner to cheat on me. Ideally, I would like to have someone who cherishes me and chooses only me. But, how easy is it to actually choose only one person for several decades if we intend to spend our lives together forever? I hate cheating and rather than cheat, I would rather clearly tell my partner that I no longer have an interest in being with them but, what if the other person does not hate cheating like I do and does not respond to developing affection for someone else in the manner in which I respond? Does this make them wrong and bad?

What exactly is the greater problem with cheating? Is it the indulgence in an affair with some other humans, the disrespect that comes with one’s partner having these affairs without informing them or the thought of one’s partner having the thought of actually choosing someone else? Why exactly do we hate cheating?

Also, I would like to question the concept of forever. I’ve had about 5 serious relationships as a 20+ lady and I feel like I have no idea what makes people stay together. I am also beginning to lose hope in the idea of marriage or a happy home. Many people around me do not have what I think a happy home should look like and I can count the number of long-term marriages around me where there aren’t rumors of cheating or some other disheartening situation. Does companionship have to be forever? Can we maybe take breaks when we feel like we do not want to be with our partners?

This whole thing is just complicated and I really hope that I am able to find answers.

Submission by: Anonymous

Save That Coochie For You And Maybe For a Worthy Sex

Have you heard Don Jazzy, Big N and Kiss Daniel’s new song titled, My Dear? You should download it as it’s my present to you for making a trip to this post.

Some time ago, I had a conversation with a friend and at some point, she mentioned, “sex for the first time.”

“Sex” is one word that will cause my ears to become extra attentive when in conversation with female friends. And, “Sex for the first time”, is that conversation that pulls me back when I already walked away from a discussion. For whatever reasons you’re thinking, I enjoy discussing this not so often discussed topic in African gatherings, even if I’ll be the silent party.

So, my friend and I discussed and I enquired about the guy who is about to get this big bite. Because, the last time I checked, babe wasn’t in a serious relationship and as much as I know some folks don’t need a relationship before getting laid, that wasn’t the case for either of us.

However, contrary to my expectation, there wasn’t a special guy! Sister was just thinking. And, I assisted her in discarding the thought. Our thoughts can lead us to trouble you know? Sex might not be trouble but some times, the thought of it is trouble.

I discarded her thought because, the holy book encourages being undefiled and when you consider the level of attachment that sex builds, you really might want to have your first time full fledged penetrative sex with someone special. Someone worth the sin. Someone worth spending the days of tribulation with, should in case rapture happens while you’re getting fucked.

Moreso, over time, I’ve come to love my body more and more. Yea! After having to deal with candidiasis after some kind of humping and living in panic for days over my health after a kiss with some guy, I’ve truly learnt to be protective of my body and anyone who allows me to protect theirs. As much as I love kissing, I’ve learnt to let go a lot of kisses as a way of keeping my immunity.

Sexually transmitted diseases are real and the figure of infected persons in Nigeria is so crazy. Asides HIV/AIDS which you know about and think, “Okay, no penetration, just a little dance around the corner,” you could contact yeast via fingering. You could contact HPV via kissing. And above all, you could become less productive in your daily routine, because of the fear of having contacted a disease or being pregnant.

And, the funny thing is, the female body is fucking vulnerable to diseases. Worse still, for an African girl who had genital mutilation. Just a little dance and you find out that something has gone wrong with your baby snail.

However, you and I can save ourselves lot of stress by saving that pussy. By saving it till we meet someone who’s gonna blow it up with a big-O while we stay healthy. You can think about it in your spare time or at work. You can imagine sex in the kitchen, getting drunk at a bar and ending up in an elevator or even in a car.

Just make sure you’re not reckless about your health, your coochie and always think about God and Rapture! You know God loves you anytime and can be all forgiving. But on the day of rapture, lol, you might not have expected it.

Now, can I have a story from you too? Share with me, kindly.

No Crush, No Skipping Heart, No Kiss

12 March, 2018 to 15 May 2018, I had a job in the biggest metropolis of Nigeria, commuted to a location with the rich girls and guys for at least 45days because I worked from home on other days. Yet, I walked out of Lagos as single as I went in. Save but a friend I met on Twitter who I couldn’t even get a chance to meet!

When I got the job, I knew I was going to Lagos for one thing: to work. And my eyes were on the prize but, I never thought they would be so fixated that I wouldn’t even get a date talkless of a kiss. There were guys at my workplace and the first who I had a slight heart-skip for, happens to be of another religion so, I overlooked and didn’t make no attempt for closeness.

The other one, is a Christian. And when I checked his twitter page, he had a couple gospel messages as tweets but they didn’t fascinate me. Because, as much as this guy seemed to be the godly guy, there’s just something about him that doesn’t get down well with me.

And, he was a snub for a couple of weeks who I later posit to just be quite conservative, taking time to know his new workmates. He also seemed like he had a girlfriend. So, I took my eyes off him. Other guys at the place have great looks that do not appeal to me. They were as good as being my uncles. Hence, while I worked, I had no crush, no skipping heart, just work and mates.

Everyday, I left my dwelling place as early as 6:30am and left work within 4:00pm to 5:00pm. Summarily, I moved during rush hours and permit me to push some of the blame of not getting a date on that. As you can see, I was busy, BUSY. But, that wasn’t it. I just wasn’t that girl. I wasn’t the hot chick who dresses to kill.

I was the same carefree girl I was in college. The one who although dresses corporately, doesn’t actually dress to kill. I was just there. A few times, I even fixed my braids in the morning bus filled with other corporate workers. I mean, who finds a girl who can’t wake up very early to dress to kill even as she slays her job attractive?

Although, I’ve confronted myself with this reality a couple of times, I still can’t deal with waking up super early to make up. I can’t. My secondary school taught me to value and cherish my sleep and I do so a lot. If I don’t sleep well, I either find some time in the day (perhaps I would have graduated with a 1st class if I didnt sleep during lectures) to grab a siesta or feel jetlag all day.

Everything put together, I couldn’t get a date in 65days talkless of a kiss!

The friend I met on Twitter is a cool dude and we tried to meet. For the last arrangement we made which failed, I had fantasized and imagined getting a kiss. Really, a kiss don’t mean much to me, it’s really just been a while and it’s one thing I crave for at this moment. Yet, I should tell you that I’m very picky with the mouth I kiss.

I imagined this guy getting a hug, stealing a kiss and making the whole moment feel awkward which we both eventually got over. I didn’t imagine making out with him and neither of my imaginations happened. We did not meet! He did not steal a peck nor a kiss! And I feel pained!

I guess I really should relax more, dress more like a hot pepper, meet people and go on dates. It’s getting quite boring over here in the singledom. Just one thing; I relocated to a country side with little or no appealing guys at my end.

What to expect when on a date with a jerk

 

“Not every date invitation should be honoured unless it’s for records sake.”

Examinations were over in school and this birthed the dawn of playtime till further notice. As for me though, I was held back in school because of some errands I had to run before going back home for the holidays.

On one of those days in which I stayed back, I went to a cyber café to have my passport photograph taken. And just as I was set for my shots, a not so attractive guy walked up to me and says, in a dramatic way: “Girl, you too fine!’

As ladies love compliments, this guy’s dramatic style cracked me to my ribs. His actions made me laugh and when he asked for my number, I didn’t hesitate as I thought it wouldn’t be a bad idea to have such jovial guy as a friend.

So, one day, our jovial mister, Charles invited me over to his lodge for an evening hangout and since I was less busy, I honoured the invite. When I got to his place, we talked for some minutes, he introduced me to his friends and at a point, he decided he needed to buy me food. How nice! With this decision of his, our quest for a good restaurant began. 

The first restaurant we visited was one which offered only African swallows which I don’t eat outside my home because of lack of trust for most restaurant’s cooking conditions.

However, in a bid to sell her product regardless of my lack of interest in her swallow, the restaurateur hinted that she had fried chicken and turkey.

To my amusement, Charles, cut her short saying, “She says she doesn’t want chicken!!” without an initial interrogation of what I want. Who does that?

He continuously spurred out the statement with such enthusiasm just because he didn’t want to burn his money.

And, even though I was less bothered about chicken or not, that act from him didn’t go down well with me. I began seeing my host in a very different light as he kept hammering on me not wanting chicken.

We continued our stroll till we got to a canteen in which I opted to have just a drink. The attendant asked if we wanted Malt and my ever zealous host again took the wheel and replied, “No”.

At this point, I hated what pushed me out of my house in the first place. I opted for Sprite and contacted a friend of mine whom I could use that opportunity to see since he stays close by.

Seeing that my interest had begun to wane in our supposed hangout, my host decided to play the hopeless romantic. So, he invited me to take a sip from his drink using the same straw he was using. Ewwww!!! That was gross but, I politely declined.

Afterward, he offered to buy me another drink but, I declined again. My interest was lost at this point and I just wanted to leave.

As we walked to the bus stop, he began proposing his love for me. He said he’d do anything for me. “Very accurate!” He said he’d pick me over his mother. Why did I do this to myself? He said he could stop school if I asked him to. “Hilarious!”

He kept on persuading me to walk slowly but, I was in no mood for that. So, I kept moving forward. I got to the bus stop, boarded a vehicle and from the look on his face, I knew that he knew we weren’t going to see each other again.

Thinking back now, I remember his teeth that reminds me so much of that of the minions in The Smurfs. My date with him is fit to be called “the bad date.” He was just a box of comedy with no proper, polite reasoning. He was a total jerk!

Have you ever had a bad date? We’ll like to have you story!

Is it okay to develop affection for the guy next door?

A couple of times, we’ve fell in love with someone we thought was right for us just because they were there when they were who we needed. Some other times, we’ve awkwardly been in love with the next person to us that, we weren’t able to fathom how love happened.

To be more clear, you’ve found yourself loving the guy in the next cubicle at your work place. Love that grew because he was able to answer all your ethic questions, put you through marketing strategies and grab you a cup of coffee while he gets his.

You’ve crushed over your neighbour thinking maybe he’s the right guy because you bumped into one another at the mall on two occasions and have subsequently visited the mall together. You have the same taste of music and he assisted you with a bucket of water when your room’s tap wasn’t running.

And, you have also found yourself loving that guy simply because you see him everyday at the bus station. Infact, you dated him and didn’t know how to explain to your friends how you met, how you guys found out you loved each other and wanted a relationship. Eventually, you broke up because you finally realized the feeling wasn’t what you thought it was.

Considering all these, you’ve decided to ask if those feelings you’ve had have actually been right and it was your character/attitude that couldn’t pull the relationships through or maybe they’ve been wrong all along. You wonder why you’ve caught feelings for so many people only for them to fly away like butterflies. You ask, “What exactly have these feelings been about?”

It’s okay to develop affection for the person next to you and infact you will do so a lot of times. The hormones in your body aren’t there to play tinko tinko, they’re there to cause tides depending on the situation you find yourself. When you find someone of similar character or a feature you have an affinity for, you get certain hormone rush, your body relaxes into their system and you feel comfortable doing a lot with them.

You might have so much compatibility that you choose to step up your game to home building or your compatibility level might be only sufficient for friendship. As much as your emotions might be in play at three times, it is up to you to figure out which level of relationship best suit you two. This is because, most of us have made mistakes, forcing things that weren’t meant to be hence, end up being sceptical about developing affections for the new harmless person next door.

It is your job to be able to checkmate yourself when these feelings start building, and know what kind of game you want to play with your heart. And most times, all you have to do is give it time and feelings will sort themselves out.

If you come asking me over and over why you feel drawn to that guy, who just move in, I’ll give the same answer. It is normal to develop affection when you meet someone that has a feature or character you desire but it is up to you to figure what you really want to do with it.

I had dry humping and craved for my period like never before, afterwards

2016 saw me as a final year student preparing to defend my project. I had always avoided boys and partying while in school because I didn’t want to make any mistake. After my final exams, I just felt I needed to live a little and try something I wouldn’t do normally. I met this guy on Facebook and we became call buddies then he invited me over to his place in Sapele meanwhile, I schooled in Awka.

At first, I didn’t think I was going to honour his invitation but then one Saturday came and I needed a new adventure so I took the next available bus to Sapele. The funny thing was I didn’t know Sapele was very far from Awka. I thought it was close like Asaba since they were all in Delta state.

I arrived at his place at night and I must say things got pretty steamy from there. I went from being an innocent virgin to an about to be disvirgined. I remembered my mother’s threats, advice and prayers and I knew that was not how I wanted to lose my virginity. Luckily for me, this guy respected that. But a lot of “Dry-humping” went on.

Dry humping

I spent two days with him and I finally returned to my abode with sore thighs gotten from him resting in between there while we were dry-humping. It was then the guilt set in, then the anger and self-rebuke. Then I got scared, what if his sperm had swam into my body and fertilized an egg? I wasn’t ready to be a mother yet. I was still young and yet to explore life. What if I was forced to marry him because of the pregnancy? My life would be so miserable.

I thought of all the things I was yet to achieve. I couldn’t run away because then, life would be very hard for me. I gave abortion a thought and it seemed the only way out. My thoughts scared me! How did I go from being innocent to thinking of killing an unborn baby. It was then I knew not to judge people who find themselves in this situation. Everyone makes mistakes.

Normally, I always dread my periods because of the menstrual cramps but I prayed so hard for this particular period to come. I was willing to endure and even enjoy the pain. I prayed and cried to God to not allow me be put to shame. I even promised not to talk to any man at all. I eventually swallowed my pride and asked my friends for help and after laughing me to stupor, they said I couldn’t wind up pregnant if there wasn’t an actual penetration but I just didn’t believe them. I read online articles and I just couldn’t understand any of it.

Finally, my period came and I was so grateful to God. That still didn’t quell my fears. Months after I still checked my stomach to see if it was protruding with child because I’d heard of cases whereby people saw their periods and were still pregnant. It was a crazy period for me and I cut all contact with my ‘dry-humping’ partner because I believed him a spawn of the devil on a mission to wreck havoc to my life.

This is 2018 and I have a boyfriend who I’m so attracted to and it seems I’ve forgotten about my promise to God to steer clear of men. Lol.
I’m a modern-day virgin.

Dry-humping: This is the process of two people repeatedly moving up and down, back and forth on top of each other fully clothed or missing few pieces of clothing but the penis doesn’t come in contact with the vagina or even if it does, there isn’t any penetration.
Thanks for creating this amazing platform to share stories.”

–Anonymous

Send your stories that you won’t tell no one to us at theconcernedgirlfriend@gmail.com or use our ‘share your story‘ page. We hope to read your story to assure us and other ladies that a story is not peculiar to just one person in the world. That, there are similar stories in other variants. We will publish your story anonymously if you so wish.

I Thought I was Pregnant- I was 22, Without a Job and Single!

“Oh well… I was 22 and had sex with someone; it was not a one-night stand and we weren’t in a relationship.”

Fourteen days after a non-penetrative sex on a day which I thought was my ovulation day, it was salient that I reminisced on my likelihood of having a fertilized egg which was probably implanted and had become a fetus in my womb. Since I expected my PMS to begin but it didn’t, I thought to myself, “Babe, what if you are pregnant? You know that sperm can swim from the entrance of your vagina all the way in, right?”

At the thought of pregnancy, I called to meet the guy who was my accomplice, to explain my concern to him.  When we met, for a moment, I did not know how to get the conversation started but of course, the deed has been done, there’s going to be a baby and we have to talk about it.  We discussed some trivial matters for some minutes and then I popped the question, “Timi, what if I’m pregnant?”

“Pregnant? How could that be?”, he was shocked!

“You remember the other day we met and you asked if I was ovulating? I think I was. And somehow, I’ve been worried about it.” Really, why would a guy who is having a sexual engagement with you be concerned about your ovulation at the end of the whole sexual escapade? Not even at the beginning or while you were kissing! Doesn’t it mean that he ejaculated and was curious to know your ovulation date so as to calculate whether pregnancy is going to happen or not?

Anyways, dude was shocked that I could be pregnant. He couldn’t wrap his head around it, “How can you be pregnant when I didn’t penetrate? When did sperm become gaseous?”

I had to lecture him, “Well, sperm can swim from the entrance of a vagina all the way in. Did you cum? Why did you ask if I was ovulating?” I wasn’t actually sure if he ejaculated or not. The only thing I was sure of is that he asked if I was ovulating.

…the conversation dragged on and on until he concluded by calling me a drama queen.

Am I really a drama queen?

At some point, he asked about my period and I told him I was expectant, that it wasn’t my due date yet. But for God’s sake I was not even sure of that! I mean, who calculates menstruation except the highly sexually active people. The ones who are actually expecting babies.

The next day, even though I didn’t feel giddy, dizzy or nauseated, I developed fever, malaise and headache. I became distracted and could barely concentrate on anything. I kept thinking and planning what I would do if I was pregnant for real:

1. I would not go home to embarrass my parents with a pregnancy out of wedlock at age 22.

2. If the guy seems to play naughty and offers that I abort the pregnancy, I would simply collect the money and evacuate that area. As much as I do not wish to be a mother yet, I do not wish to lose a pregnancy to deliberate abortion.

3. I would travel to a Northern state where I would live for the next 12months of my life and get a writing job, a job in the agriculture, rural development or journalism sector where I know I can thrive.

4. I would inform my mom over a phone call and tell her that I’ll be fine so, she doesn’t have to worry about me talk less of fainting at the fact that I am sexually active and even had the guts to have unprotected sex!

Oh dear! It was an indeed crazy day. I searched google for information as regards non-penetrative sex that resulted into pregnancy and read a lot of them that supported my claim. Some hours into my research, I stumbled upon a medical article that said that most pregnant women don’t feel a symptom until 6th week of pregnancy. If nothing else, I knew it wasn’t 6 weeks yet since the whole drama happened hence, I discarded some thought of tge symptoms I was feeling from being pregnancy symptoms.

My research went on and I read an article that highlighted the possibility of getting pregnant without penetration as very small. And then came the last article that saved my life from the trauma. It was a blogger’s similar experience which made me laugh and laugh at myself and eventually, helped me find some level of peace.

That blogger’s experience was the solace my mind rested on to find peace and the inspiration behind this post. After reading her story, I felt the need for more true stories like that and I realized my pregnancy experience is just one of the worrisome experiences that a girlfriend can have. Girls worry about many more things that we don’t discuss with people. Look at me. I couldn’t even tell my closest friends because we were supposed to be celibate. No! VIRGINS! Who would expect that I was messing around with a dick around my vagina?

I eventually went out on one of the evenings of those worrisome days, when I remembered there was still someone in the world that I could talk to. I visited a friend; not one of my closest friends but, she has never been the judgmental friend. She just knows how to be cool with crazy stuffs. I shared the experience with her, we laughed over it and I was super relieved. And she graduated from ‘not one of my closest’ to someone I want to be with everyday.

So, I decided to write about this. I also created a new email, specially for this blog. I want to read your crazy stories too. The ones you couldn’t tell anyone about. You can visit the ‘share your story’ page of the blog to share your story. I will wholeheartedly read and share (at your approval) on this blog. Maybe, just maybe a crazy girl would stumble upon the blog in few years time and your story would be her inspiration and solace when she is confused.

Remember,

Good company on a journey makes the way seem shorter.

Izaak Walton

My period came at its appointed time. Five days of bleeding that I badly, wanted to be over.

TOUGH TIMES IN RELATIONSHIPS

A relationship either with the opposite or same sex who is a friend in this case is usually sweet to begin but often times a lot happen as the road gets thinner and these persons get closer. So many questions begin to pop up like;

“Where on earth did I meet him/ her?”
“What was I looking at when I made him/ her friend?”
“Why do he/ she simply derive joy from getting me angry?”
We all have been in one of those kinds of scene where we have to ponder on the qualifications that got us in a relationship with some people in our lives but then I got to tell you that you need to stop asking those questions and begin to see the reasons you made them your friends.
Seriously, I must say that no one has it all and most times we drain our loved ones such that we end up not finding the sap we really desired in them. At this junction only one thing stands and that is LOVE. Yea! LOVE! That is the only light that is unquenchable in any relationship. 
You see, God loved us SO he gave us His dear son. That’s much of a sacrifice you know, but then He let it go because he loves us. We need to begin to see people in our lives as our lovers such that even when all they display are some set of flaws we still have the strength to love them. Love is divine and it is what got you attracted to them. You saw something lovable in them; say beauty, attitude, charisma, career, strength, etc. and you chose to be with them. You’ve got to sacrifice your most desired things to be with these people. Forget their flaws!
Love endures all things because it is divine and so you need to begin to endure all things for these people. They are never going to be the perfect persons you want them to be if you keep expecting them to be perfect but they can grow beyond your expectations if you do not limit them with your own expectations. Stop expecting them to be perfect.
Another fascinating thing love does is to forgive. Love forgives all our inadequacies. He never sees them; he blinds himself to them such that he only sees those attractive things in us. So, you need to learn to forgive. Forgive everyone who has hurt you. Let go of the past and love these people as long as they remain in your life.
Cultivate the love nature.